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cool hell

by bahdeavn

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    Smokey Tint w/ White ink cassette. (out of 100)

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released July 4, 2016

all songs by johm. recorded by dave sampson at the engine room and by johm at his home. sean hallock played the drums. carolyn sang on "lil one" and "our mom". travis arterburn mastered it. cover shot by mom in 1986. johm was little baby jesus. dbg made a cover i didn't use. sorry dbg.

available on cassette from topshelf (above) and cd from Late (below):



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bahdeavn Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

an aging pantsylvanian

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Track Name: if u want
if u want to talk about the weather it's alright find a brand new hiding place and we can spend the night draw a cartoon of your dog and we'll laugh side by side oh i forgot how much i like being alive if u want to brag about your thesis it's alright move the laundry from your bed and we can spend the night pull the quilt your grams made back and we'll lie side by side oh i forgot how much i like being alive
Track Name: night
night works no charms sitting pretty with a needle in your arm head light halo lost your dad and now you're never coming home skin wrecked new marks ashes burning through your fingers in the dark mind wiped sky bone at the party but you'd rather be alone go wait in the car asleep by the bar wake and you don't know where you are stumble but you don't know how far waiting for your brother to call acting like it's somebodys fault fall so far they send out alarms they won't even look for you
Track Name: feel good
sipping pills and little hits of alcohol i'm getting so high peeling back the labels spinning circles as the bottles go dry lately your apartment is the only place it feels alright why does it feel good accidental chemist mixing chemicals inside and go blind stumble onto sixth street hope the officer pursuing won't mind pass out by a parish leaving service swearing to god that you're fine why does it feel good
Track Name: can't go back
fall back why not i think i'm ready to go low leads no fun last call and leaving alone fall back in bed pray past your death i think i'm ready to go no need succumb no sense in grieving alone if i'm not what you want i'll maintain all i've got to race through another phase of being something i'm not it's fine if we don't talk about it i'll maintain all i want and then go back but maybe you can't go back
Track Name: lil one
you know the story you're almost late for work and you're not yet sober your alarm clocks been a jerk and your cars iced over and it's still parked at the bar you're going nowhere and you can't even get that far if i held you tightly would you come back home again cut it out in boston with the fenway and brighton it's a bad idea and we won't make it in the end but i'm not yet sober and i've got a bad thing in my head
Track Name: alright
you called in question if i'm alright and i hesitated quelled calm and quickly it's not that bad i understated i kept it quiet all through the night you didn't notice i crept out silent with no goodbye and you couldn't care less long walk through campus the creeping lights won't let the night in slept straight through morning the curtains cast won't let the light in that's the sound of the old one dressed in bed with the shades drawn froze in fear on the front lawn back in bed now the days gone wake to find that it's still wrong
Track Name: backk
i'm going crazy and i think that i like it it's kinda scary in the back of my mind can't leave the house without anxieties blinding all my senes failed design stumble through work as if there isn't a problem spend after hours getting drunk all alone can't face my friends so i don't give them the option leave a message i'm not home i'm feeling slighted i can't deny i've got these waves crashing in my head i can't fight it i try to write it but i feel that i've been misread i'm feigning interest in the things that i like and i get so nervous when you want me around i'm burning bridges faster than you erect them show no mercy all fall down i'm going crazy i don't think that i like it it's kinda scary in the back of my head can't trust myself and it's becoming a problem one quick impulse wind up dead
Track Name: good advice
well i fell asleep with your good advice i know your ideas don't fit me right so i say thank a lot i know you've been too kind then just laugh it off because the fucking up feels right then you take the stairs and i'll trip two floors i don't think that i can fit no more but the bottles clean and i am reassured the last thing i hear will be your mumbled words
Track Name: bay
later you'll come pitching my arms arching my back trying to relax face turning red violet it spreads body reacts there's no turning back i know it's overbearing and i don't know what to say i'm feeling so embarrassed cus it happens everyday i can't get through all the way later we'll come bite through my arms bay in my blood i've had enough
Track Name: our mom
you and i both know we have the same desire to leave our homes but you and i won't scheme until our mother is a buried dream so if you think of leaving please don't go you and i are close we have the same pain that our brother knows the three of us have dreamed of the end as some tangible thing but if you think of leaving please don't go and i will do my best to carry on our mom won't live but thirty years if you still want to do it then well i will be right here to catch you as your leaving please don't go